Why Change Is So Hard (And Why You’re Not Failing)
Prefer video? I talk more about why change is hard in this in this short video explanation here → https://youtu.be/LZaPASLIfOs
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why do I keep going back to the same reactions, even when I know better?” — you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not broken.
Change is hard not because you lack motivation or discipline, but because of how the brain is wired.
Your Brain Loves Familiar Paths
Your brain operates through neuropathways — well-worn mental and emotional routes created through repetition. Over time, these pathways become automatic. They help you react quickly, but they also make change feel uncomfortable.
When anxiety shows up or relationship stress hits, your brain naturally pulls you back toward what it knows. Even if those reactions aren’t helpful anymore, they feel safe because they’re familiar.
Why Anxiety and Relationship Patterns Are So Hard to Change
Anxiety and relationship patterns often form during emotionally intense moments. The brain remembers these moments strongly, which makes those pathways even harder to shift.
This is why you may notice old habits resurfacing:
During anniversaries or reminders of past events
When you try something new for the first time
When stress levels rise unexpectedly
These moments don’t mean therapy “isn’t working” or that you’re regressing. They mean your brain is still catching up to the change you’re making.
The Awkward Middle of Change
There’s often a gap between knowing what you want to do and being able to do it consistently. This is the awkward middle — where new neuropathways are forming but not fully automatic yet.
That middle stage can feel frustrating, discouraging, and even exhausting. Many people give up here, assuming something is wrong with them.
Nothing is wrong with you.
Your brain simply needs time and repetition to strengthen new pathways.
Why Struggling Doesn’t Mean You’re Failing
Struggle is often a sign that change is happening.
If you notice yourself pausing before reacting, responding differently even once, or becoming more aware of patterns — those are signs your brain is learning something new.
Progress doesn’t always feel good at first. In fact, growth often feels uncomfortable before it feels relieving.
How Therapy Helps the Brain Change
Therapy provides a space to slow things down and understand what’s happening beneath the surface. Rather than forcing change, therapy helps:
Identify existing patterns without judgment
Build new responses that feel realistic and sustainable
Strengthen new neuropathways through intentional practice
Reduce anxiety around setbacks or “slip-ups”
Change becomes more manageable when you’re not doing it alone.
I’m Tammy Brooks, a San Diego–based therapist offering anxiety therapy and marriage counseling for adults and couples. I offer in-person therapy in San Diego and secure online therapy throughout California. I help clients build change at a pace their brain can sustain.
Individual and Marriage Counseling Support
I offer individual therapy and marriage counseling for adults who are navigating anxiety, relationship challenges, or life transitions.
Appointments are available in person and via secure telehealth for clients in:
California (CA)
Connecticut (CT)
Texas (TX)
Michigan (MI)
Missouri (MO)
If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or discouraged by how hard change feels, therapy can help you move forward — at a pace your brain can actually sustain.
👉 Learn more or schedule an appointment here: https://www.destination-therapy.com/contact
You’re not behind. Your brain is learning something new — and that takes time.
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